Confronting Fears...

If someone were to ask me if I am superstitious, I would probably deny it. However...after further introspection, I would have to to change that answer to a tentative yes. An example - my husband and I are getting our house ready to go on the market. We've lived here just over two years, and I had joked when we moved in that I felt that I could create in this house. Hmmm... turned out the joke was on me. Although I had wanted to for many, many years, I hadn't been able to pull the fog away from my brain long enough to focus and write the book, but after moving into this house...I did it. There is a part of me that is seriously worried that if we leave this house, my creativity will vanish and I won't be able to write. I'm not sure what makes this house a creative conduit - or even if it is - but the thought that I may lose my wordiness scares me. We've postulated a theory that the high-tension power lines that run close to our house might be responsible. Hubby has told me that if that is the case and I lose my mojo, we'll just make a hat out of aluminum foil and wrap an extension cord around it...

Another superstition I've had for years is that I have to say a particular mantra to my hubby every day before he leaves to go to work. When I say years, I mean since before we were married, while we were still dating and I would tell him this mantra every night before leaving his house after our date. We had a rather intense courtship, where for the 5-6 months we were dating, he would either come to my house or I would go to his, every day. In any event, I got into the habit of making him promise to be careful, wear his seatbelt and watch out for crazies and idiots. I always make him go through that with me, every time he leaves to go to work.

I don't like walking beneath ladders, I try to avoid stepping on cracks when walking on sidewalks, and I never ignore a ringing phone. I may not answer when it rings, but I am incapable of not glancing at the caller i.d. to see who called.

I don't think I will really lose my creative juices when we move - I think my block had more to do with medical issues than anything. However, I'm not going to stop saying my mantra, or any of the other stuff. I will say this, though - I'm definitely not afraid of black cats. Our eldest cat child is a black cat named Squiddles. She can be scary, but not in a supernatural way.

That W word - and getting over it.

Ah, yes. The dreaded "W" word. Writer. It's what I tell people now when they ask what I do. It took me months of stumbling around before I was even remotely near comfortable telling anyone that I was a writer. I suppose it took me that long to adjust to my new reality - that I really and truly am a writer. I had to believe it myself before I was able to say it to anyone else. In order to do that, I really had to hold that first proof of my own book in my hands. Still, I don't think it sunk in. For so many years, I had dreamed about writing a book, and then to have it come to fruition, well. It was, and still is, a little bit unreal.

I'm a little bit of an oddball anyhow, socially speaking. I hate discussing money with people, and I don't like to answer questions about myself. However, once I saw that folks were truly interested in the how's and why's of the book, I started to relax. I can talk about it now, knowing that it is a good, solid product, and one I can take pride in. Once that happened, lo and behold, I was able to call myself a writer. It is a job, one I take seriously, but it also is a calling.

Part of the reason I think I had such a problem with the "W" word was because I felt a little like a fraud. Okay, a whole lot like a fraud. Who was I to think I could call myself an author, a wordsmith? I haven't done my time, I haven't served my sentence in the jail of artistic torture for one's art. I just sat down, made notes (six months' worth) and wrote the danged thing. It wasn't easy, but I didn't weep with ecstasy or despair on a daily basis.

Now, however, I've sold copies of my book to people I don't know, and who weren't coerced by a family member. I've had copies added to the local library's catalog, and I've made it through my first book signing - without a panic attack, I might add. Which in and of itself is reason to celebrate.

I am no longer afraid to call myself a Writer, and yes, that's with a capital W. I mentioned to my husband over the weekend that I finally have found my calling, and he looks at me and said 'no'. I thought - okay, he disagrees? Writing is not my calling? He says no, that it was what I've known all along I had to do, I just hadn't embraced it. He just delivered that line and went back to eating his lunch. Left me shocked and, yes, awed. Wow. I think I've arrived...

It is fiction....I promise

An interesting set of questions was presented to me today from various sources. On several different occassions, I was asked the following - Where is Leroy? I looked it up on the map and it's nowhere near southern Indiana. Where is New Salem? Is it Salem? Is this character, Charlie Clark, based on your husband? Where did you learn to bypass a security system like that? Were those your recipes in the book?

I answered each of those questions as they came up but it sent my train of thought down an interesting track - how much of these books are people going to associate with me? Do the people who know me assume I'm only writing about certain things because they occurred in my life? What other questions am I going to be facing down the road????

To answer the first set of questions - My Leroy is fictional. Yes, there is a Leroy, Indiana, but it is a tiny, tiny pinprick on the map. Population itsy bitsy - officially! They are not the same. "Leroy" was a very personal decision for me, the town had to be named Leroy, and I can't go into why. (Have to leave some mystery) Seeing that Leroy, Indiana was way up north and tiny, I decided to go ahead and create another one. New Salem is also fictional, is not based on Salem, Indiana. It is very loosely based on New Albany. Olman County, Indiana - well, it is also a fictional place. I like it there - it's one county I don't have to pay taxes in. I may well move there, if I can figure out how to warp reality and fiction into one.

Is Charlie Clark based on my husband? Um, sorta. Yes, physically he is similar to my husband. Yes, he is quiet and playful like my husband. That is basically where the similarities end. My husband has never served in our military, does not own his own business (yet), and does not drive a truck. His parents are not divorced, and his father is not an alcoholic. There is one more similiarity - my hubby is a cat person, like Charlie.

Where did I learn to bypass a security system like that? I made it up. Don't know if it is a real device or not, but I've had several people remark on that. Hey, it sounds good enough to make people wonder. I did look up 'how to bypass security systems' and coupled with other searches like 'how to shoot people' and 'what's the best gun to use for sniping', I'm sure the FBI is on my internet trail as we speak. :)

I've played around with some of those recipes, or thought about it.

What other questions might come up - and what could be potential mine fields for me and mine? Well, certainly the question about my mother-in-law. Is David's mother's character based on hers? Absolutely not. I do know MILs like that, but my own is a sweet lady who wouldn't dream of acting like David's mother. I'm very lucky with both my in-laws.

Another question that I am just waiting for - does your hubby kiss like Charlie? Or perhaps "What is your sex life like? Is that how you guys do it?" Oy. I do not kiss and tell, and that carries over to my fiction. I am like Lauren in that respect - what happens in my bedroom is extremely private and personal, and I don't even share it with my best friends, much less fictionalize it and put it out there for the world to consume. Sorry, folks...:D.

This is an interesting learning experience for hubby and myself. We've both started to get some of these questions, and that was something I never anticipated. It's a little bit exciting, and a little bit intimidating. I don't think I have to worry about things overly much as long as I don't get totally rich and famous, but if it happens, we'll deal with it.

Now...I really need to get back to the second book...I can't wait to see what happens in this next scene! Please email me with questions...I would love to hear from you.

To write or not to write...

When I first set up an author blog, I wondered whether or not to mix my private life with my public life. I decided that sharing the mundane and boring aspects probably wasn't something I wanted to do, but if something important and relevant happened, I would share. Part of the whole purpose in writing for me is to share information through fiction that might help people. I've undergone some interesting challenges in my life, and if reading about those challenges, some of which are integrated into characters, helps my readers - even one - it is worth sharing. Yesterday's events are one of those challenges.



Last evening, I ended up going to Urgent Care for a breathing treatment. I have severe allergies and the greening of the trees and grass has just knocked me for a loop. I'm doing better, thank God, but I learned something last night I wasn't aware of, something that makes a lot of sense if you just step back and think about it.



After the doc had seen me, they had given me the breathing treatment, and I was ready to go, the doctor came back in to discuss what he was sending me home with. He mentioned to me that since I have rheumatoid arthritis, the fact that my allergies are in flare-up mode is probably related. I had NO idea! It makes perfect sense, though. For those of you who are not familiar with RA, it is an autoimmune disorder where the body basically attacks the joints. It is not osteoarthritis, which is 'wear and tear' arthritis. Completely different type of arthritis. Anyhow, the doc said that because my immune system is so strong, i.e., on overdrive, it isn't surprising that my allergies are so severe. He suggested that I might need to consider low-dose steroids, something like Flonase, to help keep the allergies in check. I certainly don't want to experience bronchitis again. He also suggested I seriously consider allergy shots, as they would possibly help build up a tolerance for my allergens.

In any event, I wanted to share what I had learned, and hopefully someone can benefit from that knowledge.

I also saw today that they are placing tornado/severe weather warning sirens about a mile down the road from my house. That's actually pretty exciting - those things save lives. I'm wondering if we will be able to hear it from our house. Given the way sound travels around here, I'm thinking we should.

Regards, all.

T.L.

The surprising truth about writing...

One of the things folks have mentioned to me when I tell them I've written a book is that they hope I get famous and fabulously wealthy. While I didn't set out to make a fortune when I started writing "Secrets", I did hope to make a decent living. Enough to pay a utility or two a month, and I'd be happy. I'm learning that this is a goal much easier said than done.

A big reason I decided to self-publish was control. When I learned that authors who sign with major publishers will usually only receive around 8-10% on sales, may not get to choose their own title, may not get to choose their own cover, and may have content removed from their books (including whole chapters at a time!), it didn't take much thinking for me to decide, as a control freak, that self-publishing was for me. That is when I made the discovery that I really wanted to write just to get the stories out there, not just to make money doing it. I could still send a manuscript to a major publisher, and there is always the off-chance that someone in the Hollywood know will pick up the book, love it and want to option it for a screenplay. Self-publishing doesn't rule those things out.

Something else I am learning as I venture down this path of discovery is that the more products an author has to offer, the more likely they are to succeed. I really, really don't want to be a one-hit wonder. I would rather see mediocre success on a larger scale than to crash and burn with just one book.

The second book, "Under The Moon's Shadow", is a tale that I have had inside me for many, many years. I'm hoping that I'll be able to do it justice. So far, it is still being stubborn, but I am sitting down today and writing it, no matter what. Unless the power goes off. That would kind of hinder me just a wee bit.

There are definite advantages to having your book published by a major publishing house, probably the foremost being the advertising they handle for you. As a self-published author, that burden is yours and yours alone. You fail or succeed on your on merit. How well you do rests entirely in your hands. If you produce a good product and promote it well, it will do well. If you fail at either of those endeavors, you won't do so well. When the book was first finished, I was freaking out over the shameless self-promotion I had to do. Now, I'm taking a more laid back approach, having realized that until I produce another book, I may see small success but probably nothing really to write home about. I'll build my following starting now, and I'll build relationships within the industry, and when book two is ready, it should be received with much fanfare. That's the plan, at least.

Stubborn daggone stories

Sometimes, I am learning, the story that wants to be told is not the story you, the writer, want to tell at that particular time. I had very definite ideas for my first book, Secrets In The Shadows, and when I actually started laying out the plot, ditto actually writing, it went like this (let's see if I can accurately describe the sound effect I am getting ready to make) PHshuuummmmmm (imagine a quick right turn into a totally opposite direction). I am happy with the end product, but the story I set out to tell is still lurking around my brain, refusing to come out! I had planned for it to be book two, and I guess I'm going to have to go in and shake it loose. I'm ready for this story to be told, dang it!

I wonder if there is a yogic exercise that is designed specifically for that purpose - dragging a story out of one's brain?

A scary sight to behold

Sitting here, trying to figure out where to start the next book, I must confess that the blank page before me is a scary sight. I have the outline done but I've been wracking my brain to try and 'see' where I need to start Beth Hudson's story. I know where I want it to go, where I want it to end, but until this evening, the where to start had proved elusive.

Beth is a spunky gal. I'd have a lot in common with her in an alternate universe. She loves vintage clothing - think Kathryn Hepburn in the old 1940s flicks. "His Girl Friday" - Rosalind Russell. Oh, she tones it down, makes sure she doesn't look like a period movie extra, but she has definite tendencies toward the classics.

Unfortunately, Beth is in for some very tough times ahead. Life has always been just a little too easy for her, and it's going to get hard, much harder than she's ever experienced. I had better get started writing or else Beth's story won't get told.

Regards, and wish me luck!

T.L.